Airport Security

I am sure that most of you have experienced our post 9/11 airport security screening process. I think it’s the best part of flying! (Sarcasm heavily intended!) Obviously nothing could have really prepared us for the tragic events of 9/11, and it doesn’t surprise me at the lengths the government went to try and prevent this from happening again. And it only got worse after those idiots successfully snuck shoe bombs and liquid bombs onto their respective flights. But I have gotten to the point where I believe we have gone too far.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for security and protecting us from those nutballs who are hell-bent on killing people, but at some point we have to say enough is enough. I am sick of the current screening process and how it makes me feel like some criminal being processed at the county lockup.

I stand in a line with a hundred other people (on a good day) and we slowly move forward through the turnstyles as if we are waiting to get on the Tea Cup ride at Disneyland. Then I am greeted by a TSA agent who gives the impression of being either annoyed or disgruntled. I hand over my photo id and boarding pass for the agent to scrutinize. After several tense seconds, and several glances at my id and my face, the agent decides I am a legitimate and non-threatening traveler. I am handed back my id and boarding pass and I proceed to the next step. I reach the x-ray machine and proceed to empty everything I have with me into dirty plastic bins so that they can be x-rayed for unapproved items.

(Thanks to all the restrictions regarding liquids I travel real light in the toiletry department. All I have with me right now is a tooth brush. I’ll buy deodorant at my destination and leave it there so that I can avoid that whole ordeal.)

So I stand there at the conveyor belt and empty my pockets, remove my belt, jacket, and shoes, and put all the items into a bin. Second and third bins are required so that I can properly have my backpack and laptop scanned. I also have my carryon luggage. So I go through the magnetometer while holding my pants up (luckily I pass through the metal detector without issue), and meet my belongings on the other side. Satisfied that I am not carrying contraband, my belongings are spit out the other side of the x-ray machine. I then get to carry three bins and my luggage to a chair so that I can re-assemble myself, and then I am done and can proceed to the gate.

This was a relatively painless interaction, considering what I’ve gone through in the past when flying with the family. We’ve had milk scrutinized, diaper rash crème confiscated, and our bags searched. (Because a terrorist would be stupid enough to blow up a plane with his wife and kids on it, I’m sure.) Maybe it’s just me, but I think all of it is a little excessive. I also hate how they have to be pc and suspect everyone.

The dumbest part of this whole subject is that even if the current airport procedures had been in place before 9/11, it still wouldn’t have prevented those terrorists from succeeding. Sure they wouldn’t have had box cutters, but they were all ticketed passengers on the flight who could have easily used non-metallic weapons to carry out their evil plans. The only thing that would have stopped them is the current cockpit door procedure.

So next time you fly, when you are going through security, make sure to check out the person in front of you and the person behind you, because chances are the TSA suspects all three of you are terrorists.

Look for my next post: Unsportsmanlike Conduct